How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
