We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
