I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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