i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
