I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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