I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
