did you get engaged???
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
