yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
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I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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