I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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