Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
