He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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