after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
