Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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