So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
