Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I AM VODKA MAN
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
