I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think a kid would responsible me up
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
