TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
