Sponge bath it is.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
