I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
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I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
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Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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