Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
