you would pick up someone in the library
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
