i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
