There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
