can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
