Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
