You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
