glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Someone signed my nipple.
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