Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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