How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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