My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
