We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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