Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
