Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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