dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
