if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
