I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
