you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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