I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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