So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
