summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
