I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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