well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
