some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize
