last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
