What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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