found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
