he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
