Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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