Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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