I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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