mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
your room smells of hookers.
And success
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
