so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
