I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
