Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
i believe in u and ur pee
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
