i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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