People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
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The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
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Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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