I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
