Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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