and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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