we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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