I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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