I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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