it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
