She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
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I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
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I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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