Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
