So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
