After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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