..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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