just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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