I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
