Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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