Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
