His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
