let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
