I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
