I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
