I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
