I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
