How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
