Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I am spending my child support on dildos
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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